The researcher, wearing a white lab coat and holding a clipboard and pen, observed his subject from behind a two-way mirror. His assignment was to determine whether some people are programmed to be complainers.
The subject, a slim, mousy woman with straight hair and horn-rimmed glasses, picked up a survey from the table in front of her. As she leafed through it her face clouded up, and she looked up at the mirror.
“Um, excuse me,” she said. “This survey is too long. I don’t have time to fill this out.”
The researcher put down his clipboard and left the room. A few moments later a door opened in the room behind the subject and the researcher walked in, carrying a baseball bat. He proceeded to beat the woman to death. Her blood covered his white lab coat. He left the room and returned to the observation room, taking off his soiled coat and putting on a clean one. A pair of orderlies removed the woman’s body and cleaned up the room. Soon another subject was ushered in.
The second subject was a fat, balding man of about fifty. He flipped through the survey, then laughed.
“Who wrote these stupid-ass questions? You can’t seriously expect me to answer these.”
The researcher left the room and re-appeared behind the subject with an ax in hand. He chopped the man to death, splattering his lab coat with blood. The researcher returned to the observation room, once again changing his coat. The orderlies re-appeared to remove the dead man and clean up the room.
A third subject was brought in – a pimply-faced teenager with stringy black hair. The boy picked the survey up, looked at it for a moment, then glanced around the room.
“Yo, dude,” he said. “How do you expect me to fill this out without a pen or a pencil?”
The researcher appeared in the room with a chainsaw and cut the teenager into small pieces, soaking his white lab coat in blood.
The researcher returned to the observation room and changed into a clean lab coat.
Behind a second two-way mirror, another researcher nodded and jotted some notes on her clipboard:
1. Observation suggests some people are, in fact, programmed to be complainers.
2. Some people are evidently also programmed to be psychopathic murderers.
3. We’re going to need to stock up on bleach.
© 2009 Robert C. Eccles
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September 5th, 2009 at 1:54 am
Wicked fun.
September 5th, 2009 at 5:11 am
Great story Bob. That last story made me chuckle.
September 5th, 2009 at 5:11 am
Ooops, I meant last line. LOL!
September 5th, 2009 at 9:34 am
Thanks for playing! I hope the fees that they got were worth it…
September 5th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
This is a sick masterpiece, Bob. Now I was wondering if you would sit down with me and answer a few survey questions…
September 6th, 2009 at 8:15 am
Thanks everyone - glad you liked it!