Archive for April, 2010

THE COUNCIL MEETING: By Liza Larregui

Friday, April 30th, 2010

Tales of the Reluctant Fangpire—-Part 6

I sat on a bench with several other new fangpires waiting for my name to be called.  The experience was much like jury duty as we were all pushed into a darkly lit room with some benches and told to wait.  I was half expecting to see a video hosted by Sally Field explaining why it was my civil duty to be a fangpire and that I should feel proud.  Luckily, or maybe unfortunately, I had Lori by my side.

“I’m sick to my stomach.”  Lori announced.

“Relax, this will be over soon and we can go home.  And why am I comforting you?  Shouldn’t you be comforting me?”  I asked playfully.

“Lee, this could be it for me.  They might not accept us.  Well, they’ll accept you since you didn’t kill a fangpire.  But me…”  Lori sighed deeply and fell into her own world.  I rubbed Lori’s back for support and hoped this would end happily, or as happily as a fangpire judging could end.

“Lee Sharpe?  Lori Radcliffe?  Lee Sharpe and Lori Radcliffe, please come to the front desk.”  A womans voice over the intercom called on us.  We walked to the front desk together, hand in hand.  A tiny woman stood behind a circular desk.  She looked us over as she lead us to another room where we were seated in front of the council.

“Will Lee Sharpe please step forward?”  An elderly man asked as I started to worry about my fate.  His cold and wrinkly hand touched my forehead as he began to chant.  The volume of his voice grew with each indistinguishable word.  “You may sit while I explain your new gift.” 

“Thank you.”  I said as I sat down, though I was unsure I was even supposed to speak.

“You have been given a very special gift, Lee Sharpe.  You have been given the gift of knowledge.”  Old Man must have seen the look of confusion on my face because he continued without pause.  “You, Ms. Lee Sharpe, will have the ability to read the human mind with a single glance.  It will be overwhelming at first but I have the utmost confidence you will grow to control it.”  I raised my hand hesitantly as I had not been briefed on the proper etiquette.  “Yes, Ms. Lee Sharpe?”

“I was told there would be a duty as well as a gift.  Something I would have to do to give back to the community.  I’m just eager to find out what that might be.” 

“You will soon find that your gift is also your duty.”  And with that, Old Man disappeared before my eyes.  I turned to Lori for some answers but she too had vanished. 

***

“Where the heck did you go before?”  I pounced on Lori as soon as she walked through my door, literally.  I reminded myself to ask her later how she did that.

“It’s been a long day.  Can we just call it a night?  Can I crash here?”  She plopped herself down on my couch and closed her eyes.

“Lori, what happened?  You need to tell me what that old man did to you or said to you and why you disappeared and why my gift is also my duty?”  I bombarded her with all the questions I had been storing since she disappeared hours ago.

“ENOUGH!”  She belted.  “I don’t owe you anything.  I gave you the greatest gift of all, immortality.  And all you do is complain, nag and whine.  Do you know how many people would kill for the chance at immortality?  I’m through with you, Lee.  You’re on your own.”

I stood there, shocked and hurt, as I watched my only friend, my only ally disappear into thin air.

 

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©2010 Liza Larregui

AND THEN THINGS GOT HAIRY: By Chris Allinotte

Thursday, April 29th, 2010

LYCANTHROPY  Contestant

Oh. My. God.  Tiffany, Marcus is so GROSS,” said Chelsea. 

She walked into the kitchen, wireless phone pinned snugly between shoulder and ear.
Tiffany was watching TV and snacking loudly on cheese puffs, but replied, “Like, why?  He’s got a totally bitchin’ bod.”

Chelsea was rooting through the fridge, “I KNOW, he’s buff, but he’s all HAIRY and junk.   Like, I just thought it was his arms and everything, but he wore a tank top …”

Tiffany gave the appropriate response, “Eww.  A tank top, on a first date?  Were you at the beach?”

“As if!” Chelsea said indignantly.

“No, we went to a movie.  Me and him and his hairy, stinky body.”

“Stinky?  Barf me out Chelsea!  No WAY he’s stinky too.”  Tiffany’s voice was hard to make out with the obscene amount of crunching going on.

“Tiff? Are you trying to like, make me deaf?  As IF you’re chewing louder than a horse, right in my, like, ear.”  Chelsea moved aside a grody looking casserole that Mom had left, but it was all lentils and beans and junk.  Ick.

“ Oh my god, you’re being a total RAG.” Tiffany sounded hurt, but the crunching slowed to a dull roar, “So what movie did he take you to anyway?”

Chelsea was inspecting half a bacon cheeseburger, but she thought it might be a week old.  God, she was so hungry.  It was making it hard to think. 

“Chelse? Are you still there?” , said Tiffany, still chewing. 

Chelsea was totally starving; it was making it hard to think, but she replied, “I don’t know, some slasher movie thing.  The guy was all burned and gross, like OBVIOUS rubber mask. Marcus totally put his arm around me at the jumpy parts.”

Tiffany gave another, “Eww.  And that’s when you noticed he was stinky? Right?”

Chelsea was busy taking stuff out for a sandwich, and started nodding into the phone before she realized what she was doing, “Totally Tiff.  You know what he smells like?  Remember when Tango got stuck outside last summer, like when you guys went out and left him in the yard, and it was totally nice out, but then it rained for like, the whole afternoon, and then you got home and he’d been in the rain like, all day? Marcus smells like that.”  She surveyed the counter and realized that none of the food looked appealing; though her cat Buddy had jumped up to make up his own mind.

Chelsea became aware of silence on the other end, and said, “Tiff?”

Tiffany didn’t answer for a long moment.  In the distance, Chelsea thought she could hear singing.  There was a sound of fumbling, and Tiffany’s voice came flooding back, “Sorry Chelse, I’m watching Friday Night Videos, and they’re playing Material Girl, and they just got to the good part.  What did you say again?”

Chelsea sighed; she would like, drop dead if she didn’t eat something soon.  “You’re such a cow, Tiff.  Wet dog.  He smells like wet dog.”  She started stroking Buddy.  He felt extra soft and warm tonight.
Tiffany made her gagging sound that had stopped being cool like, last month, “Tell me you got out of there, like, pronto.”

Chelsea stayed non-committal, choosing to go with, “Umm.”

Tiffany started spluttering around a mouthful of snack food.  When she had recovered her breath, she squealed,  “No WAY Chelsea.  Why did you stay if he was totally gross?”

Buddy was staring at Chelsea now.  His green eyes were like green mirrors in the reflected light of the still-open refrigerator.   He suddenly hissed and tried to get free.  Chelsea held him tight; she didn’t want him to leave just yet.  She could smell him now too, and her stomach rumbled again.  She eyed the baloney on the counter.  Nah.

It was Tiffany’s turn to be impatient, “Chelse? Chel-SEA? Are you THERE?  Like, where do you keep going?”

Buddy was spitting now, and digging his little claws in; but it didn’t hurt, “Tiff.  Take a chill-pill, I’m like right here.  I stayed at the movie because, I dunno, he was gross and junk, but I just kind of felt like staying. Weird, huh?”  The cat was frantic now, Chelsea could feel its little body twisting this way and that in her grasp.

Tiffany asked her, “What’s that sound Chelse?”

“It’s just Buddy, he’s in heat.”

That seemed to satisfy her friend, “Well, did you make out with him then?” Munch. Crunch.
Caught off guard, the truth came in a blurt, “Yeah, a little.”

Her friend squealed again, “You SKANK!  How far did he get?”  The high pitch hurt Chelsea’s ears, and she almost dropped the phone out from her shoulder, which was starting to itch.

“Not far.  He gave me a ginormous hickey though.  I think he broke the skin.  Hey Tiffy? I gotta go get something to eat.  If I don’t get some food like, right now, I’m totally going to waste away and die. Kay?”

“Kay. But this is SO not over.  See ya.” Tiffany hung up.

Chelsea tightened her grip on Buddy’s calico sides, she was salivating. Gross. But kind of okay too — like her date. Marcus had been a biter, but that had kind of made up for his hairiness and stuff.  She probably wouldn’t see him again.  Probably.  He was so weird; but after they’d kissed for a bit, she wasn’t so sure. 

She liked him a little better now.  So maybe.

Buddy wouldn’t stop yowling, so she squeezed his little voice box and made him stop.  Her nails were totally bitchin’ today; they looked longer and thicker than ever.  The phone finally dropped from her shoulder, and when she rubbed at the warm spot, Chelsea wasn’t totally surprised to find a thick patch of coarse blonde hair had sprouted there. 

Deciding suddenly that she wanted some fresh air, Chelsea opened the back door, and walked out into the light of the full moon.  The moon was SO rad.  As she sunk her lengthening teeth into her midnight snack, Chelsea thought she could do a LOT of radical things under a moon like that. 

Totally.

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©2010 Chris Allinotte