RIXAS DE SANGUE (Part Two): By N.M Faria
Saturday, June 19th, 2010I sat on the couch facing into the darkness of my living room, thinking. I heard her hesitate at the door. I briefly wondered how long she had been waiting out there.
The soft muted light from the streetlamp illuminated the room for a second when she entered. Her delicious scent filled the room as she breezed passed me to sit in my armchair. I didn’t look at her, I couldn’t. Not yet.
We sat like that for a long while. I decided to speak- still not looking at her.
“Generally speaking, I remember very little of my life before… not because the memories aren’t present; no. Actually, they are firmly ingrained, into my every fiber.” I looked down at my scarred arms, brought my hand to flutter across my torso.
“Instead, I choose not to entertain them. They hold no real interest for me any longer. What good does it do to dwell on who or what I was or the reason for the way I am? Being alive, without remorse, without a reason…well, we do what we can to keep from going mad, right?” I smiled humorlessly.
I let my gaze drift over to Bendis, her indigo eyes illuminated softly- not as bright as a vampire, but enough to show her otherness. Her face was distraught, perfectly arched eyebrows set into a frown, lip pouting slightly.
“Honestly, the icy fire of those memories bubble to the surface - at the edges of my psyche threatening to destroy me- to use up every particle of my being anytime they get the chance. My soul has already been torn out. I am a hollow shell. So, I focus on the emptiness- it is easier. Emptiness brings everything into perspective- decisions are more momentous, accurate, and clear…but I get ahead of myself.” I inhaled heavily. I didn’t want to relive this out loud.
“I was very young when I was brought the Kauket temple. I couldn’t tell you who my mother was, but I know my father was a warrior: a general, I think. He brought me to the High Priestess, Odjit-Ka - at her behest, and you didn’t refuse an Ogdoad High Priestess.” I smirked in amusement. “Odjit-Ka had told my father that I was going to be a great warrior one day, apparently her revelation was erroneous.” I shook my head, but continued falling deeper into the story.
“The High Priestess was very old; and quite frankly, she scared the hell out of me. She was relentless. She pushed me, molded me. I was made to study the scrolls, learn the arts, and I was trained with many types of weapons. I was not given any margin of liberty, unlike the other young women there. She wished nothing customary for me. Her persistence paid off. I was merely twenty-three when I became the youngest Temple Guardian, and I was given the prestige of being her personal guard.” I paused, curious. “Do you know much about Kauket?”
Bendis spoke softly. “Very little. There was no one to ask.”
“Hmm, Kauket is a primordial Goddess of the Ogdoad, her realm the chaotic darkness from which all life is born.” I thought it ironic that I now existed in constant dark bedlam.
“As High Priestess, Odjit-Ka traveled to the cities in the region when the Sovereign required an emissary. It was on one such trip that I found myself distracted by the most beautiful man, an official in Menes - he was young, my age, and so enigmatic. I was drawn to him explicitly, and he made no secret that he wanted me as fiercely as I wanted him.”
The memory caused that icy fire to blaze in my chest.
“He was my first lover and I was naïve; I did not realize that the feelings behind his want were not the same as mine. He was ambitious- his sight set on a being the Head Vizier over all the tribes. And when I became pregnant - well, let’s say I was - disconsolate when he told me I was less than nothing to him.” I stopped- this hurt a bit too much, the rejection was still so crisp in my mind. I exhaled heavily.
“My son -Abraxas- was beautiful, but I didn’t get to raise him- I was a guardian, so I surrendered him to the temple wives as soon as my purification period was over. I poured myself into my vocation; but, it was hard to stay away from Abraxas for long. I wanted to see what he was doing- I found it amazing; being a mother- it was a powerful feeling. But …I missed so much.” My strength crumpled, I began to cry.
Bendis stood to comfort me, but I held up my hand to stop her. She sat back down, next to me now. Her proximity was almost too much; I ignored it and dove back into my tale.
“Odjit-Ka and I were returning from a meeting with the other high members of the Ogdoad when I saw the oily black smoke rising from the temple. Fear gripped me. I ran ahead, an error of judgment I now know, to see if I could help. We had no idea how fanatical the Menesians were with the power their young god, Aion, had bestowed on them. The soldiers had been sent by their leader.” I spat out the last word for I had no fealty to the swine. “To eradicate all traces of the old gods.
“There were not many of us at the time, just the priestesses, the wives and the …” I paused briefly. I could not make my self say it. I choked out the word. “children.” I gnashed my teeth against the pain. “Abraxas. I tore into the temple, furious- blinded by pain and misery. Then, I saw him; sword in hand, blood covering his tunic- a sickening leer across his face, the face I knew too well…my lover, father to my child, the Head Vizier …Malachi.”
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©2010 N.M Faria
