This morning I found the creature in my kitchen. It had crawled from its basement home and spilled my milk and eaten my cereal; so on its pale skin I laid half a dozen plums and stubbed a cigarette on its arm. As it lay wailing on the lino in a puddle of piss, milk, and cereal, I told it I was disappointed. I then pronounced its punishment. “Tonight, there will be no sardine supper for you.” Upon hearing those words, it stopped its noise and began to skulk away. I watched it go, and in the morning light I could see the web of arteries and veins stretched across its skinny frame.
Hmmm,I thought, maybe I was too harsh. Maybe I’ll let it have some sardines after all.
After cleaning up, I fetched some cable ties from the shed and went down to the basement to bind its arms and legs. I made sure the ties were not too tight. Seeing this, the creature opened its mouth as if to speak. No words left its rotted teeth though. No: “I love you.” A glob of drool was my only thank you. I left it a bowl of water and retreated to the upper parts of the house.
At around midday while I was sat reading, the doorbell started to ring.
I answered and found a handsome, suited man standing on my doorstep equipped with clipboard and pen.
“Hello Madam,” he said. “I’m carrying out a survey for the council. May I ask you some questions?”
“Off course” I said, ever the good citizen.
“Excellent. How many occupants are there in the household?”
“Two.” I smiled and toyed with my wedding ring.
©2013 Joshua Massen
Joshua Massen is a young writer from Cambridgeshire, England. He blogs at:http://theworksofjoshmassen.