THE INADEQUATE VAMPIRE SLAYER: By David Anthony
Thursday, January 20th, 2011“I am not stupid,” Charlie repeated, sitting on the couch, staring up at his brother with anger-filled eyes.
“Yes you are,” Wesley said. “You’re dumber then a box full of rocks. There is no vampireliving in that house up on the hill, and if there was you sure as hell aren’t going to kill it with that!” He pointed down at the wooden stake in Charlie’s hands.
“Yes I am. That’s how you kill a vampire. Don’t you know anything?”
“I’ll tell you what I know,” he said, pointing a finger at Charlie. “Some crazy girl and her dad move in across the street. She starts running her mouth off at school about some vampire that supposedly lives down the block, and suddenly you’re this fearless vampire slayer. Well, I’ve got news for you. There is no vampire. You can’t kill it. And even if you could, you still wouldn’t impress her by doing it because she doesn’t even know you exist.”
Charlie’s face started getting red. It was always like this between them. Charlie always had his head in the clouds with some crazy, new idea and Wesley would be there to knock him back down to reality. Only this time, Charlie was sure of what he was doing. He was certain there was a vampire in that house. Rumors were, of course, running rampant after the recent murders. Several people had been found with their blood drained and puncture marks in their necks.
The official police report was that it was some kind of medical theft. But Charlie knew better. Even before the girl had moved in he knew there was something evil in that house. He had seen it staring down from the window in the early evenings, as the sun was only a faint glow on the horizon. He could feel something sinister in its gaze. He was certain that if he killed it he’d be a town hero, and it would win him the girl of his dreams. But Wesley just didn’t understand any of it.
“Her name is Vanessa and she’s not crazy,” Charlie said, getting up off the couch. “And once this is done, everyone will know who I am.”
Wesley gave him a mocking laugh. “Whatever, dork. I’mthe hero in this family. I’m the one playing on our schools varsity football team. Next year I’llbe the one playing on a Big Ten college team. You’ll still be farting around with your comic books and stupid role-playing game crap. You’ll never be a hero.” He turned and went upstairs, leaving Charlie to fume in his anger.
We’ll see who ends up the bigger hero, Charlie thought.
#
It was late afternoon when Charlie arrived at the house on the hill. It seemed to make sense to do this in the daylight when vampires would still be asleep, but even now, as he stood out on the front porch of the old building, it seemed a terrifying place. It was a dirty, run-down house, with peeling paint and a faded roof with missing shingles. The large windows looked like angry eyes staring back at him.
He assumed the door would be locked, but to his surprise, it opened with a loud creak as soon as he turned the handle. His stomach was twisted in knots and all his senses told him to run. He fought back the fear, clutched the stake in his hand and stepped into the foreboding shadows of the evil house.
He wondered for a moment where he should start his search then thought of his walks home from school. It was always staring at him from an upstairs bedroom. That had to be where it slept. He saw the dusty wooden staircase at the end of the hall and started towards it.
He reached the landing at the top of the stairs and looked down the hallway. There was the room. The door was shut. The old wooden floorboards creaked under his feet as he slowly crept down the hallway. Charlie cringed. The last thing he needed was for it to hear him coming. He reached the room, quietly turned the doorknob and pushed open the door.
The curtains were pulled and it was dark but Charlie could clearly see the outline of a large casket sitting at the far end of the room. This was it. He could feel his pulse racing. He forced himself across the room. His hands were trembling as he pulled back the wooden stake. He took a deep breath and threw up the lid of the coffin.
Empty.
He only had a second for the confusion to wash over him before he heard the haunting laughter coming from behind him. He whirled around and stood face to face with the pale creature of the night. It knocked the stake from Charlie’s hand and threw him against the wall.
“Did you really think you could kill me with that,” it sneered at him, pointing to the stake lying on the ground. “That only works in the movies.” It laughed at him.
Charlie hated to think that Wesley was right and now he was going to die.
Suddenly something flashed through the air. The vampires head fell to the ground with a thud then the head and body both vanished in a puff of black smoke.
Charlie looked up and saw a man standing over the body holding a silver sword. He recognized the man. It was Vanessa’s father.
“Good job, Charlie,” he said. “You distracted it long enough for me to take it down.”
“You’re a vampire slayer?”
The man smiled. “Yup. That’s why we came here. To kill this thing. Stop over later and we’ll talk more. You can meet my daughter. I think she’ll be impressed by your courage.”
Charlie smiled. Wesley was wrong. Today he wasthe hero. He helped kill the vampire and now he was going to get the girl.
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©2011 David Anthony
