WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NEW GUY? By: David Rees-Thomas
Monday, January 26th, 200910:30 am. I just watched a man disappear. Maybe I’m having an off day or I’m losing it, been a long time since I took a vacation. Anyway, he’s quite new to the office, tall and thin with small glasses and two tufts of grey hair above his ears. He went into the records room.
10:33 am. I double checked. There’s nobody in there now. I’ve got a great view of the door from where I sit and I definitely didn’t see anyone leave. Nobody else went in either, pretty sure of that, haven’t taken my eyes away at all. Trying not to blink! Checked my email again, still nothing. I think I’d prefer not to get anything actually, it’s Friday and I can’t be bothered starting a whole new thing.
10:40 am. Still nobody come in or out. I’m gonna get a coffee.
10:55 am. Took me longer than I thought. The machine on the first floor is all out so I had to go to the fifth and I needed a pee.
10:59 am. Well, the administrators are administrating away in the personnel department. I’m glad I sit on this side; it would be unnerving if they were facing me. This is nice. I can see them but they have to make an effort to see me, something that I figure they’re not that interested in doing. Oh, hang on, looks like…oh, never mind. False alarm.
11:06 am. No! I was right. It looks as though the Young Executive himself has some urgent stacking and stapling that needs doing. Obviously, it’s way too important for him to do at his desk. Yes, awesome, he’s going in the records room. You have to love that swagger, the puffed out chest, and boom, there he goes. He’s even minimized the second hand car website he was browsing. Ok, let’s wait. Actually, I can still see him from here so I think it’s ok this time, still a bit worried about what happened to new guy though.
11:08 am. Shuffle, shuffle, stack, stack, shuffle, ruffle, stack and oh dear, it appears our Young Executive is out of staples. Heads down, he’s coming out. I’m just gonna check my email again. He can’t find staples. Should I help? Still no emails by the way. Okay, he’s got some. Shit, made eye contact. I tried to smile but…
11:10 am. He’s talking to the head boss admin type fella, personnel magnificus! He is such a little ferret of a man, really freaks me out. I heard the words “personnel file” and “Algernon” mentioned. Is that new guy’s name?
11:15 am. They are still talking. Bit of a kerfuffle going on behind me though. I think Clive from Sales is drunk again. Looks like he’s trying to pick a fight with Peterson. I have to get the hell away from this place as soon as I can, for my sanity if nothing else. This can’t be normal can it? I mean, is it me? Am I so thoroughly missing the point? Oh, hang on again, Our Young Supremo Exec Admin Wonder Boy is going back in again. Oh, he’s shut the door, maybe it’s because I keep staring.
11:18 am. Ok, I just took a quick tour of the desks and he’s still in there. Still shuffling, ruffling and stapling. He’s got his sleeves rolled up in a sort of Miami Vice fake untidy, gonna join you guys on the factory floor and get my hands dirty, I’m really one of you and don’t let my fancy suit and manicured nails fool you kind of way. It’s really something to behold. I’ll be back in five minutes.
1:30 pm. OK, sorry, got caught up in a meeting and then decided that lunch was beckoning. Went to the bookstore as well but nobody needs to know that! Saw Peterson on my way, he reckons that Clive is becoming a liability, says he’s gonna complain to the great admin peoples of personnel. That worries me a bit. I quite like Clive.
1:45 pm. Ahh, the Young Exec is back, guess he finished stapling a while ago. He’s laughing now with ferret man. Bugger, they just looked over and caught me staring. I tried to smile again, nonchalant, I think I just succeeded in looking as though I was about to burp or fart or possibly both.
1:47 pm. Just checked email again. Still nothing. Great. They’re whispering now, can’t quite make out what they are saying but they’ve looked over this way twice already. Why am I even doing this? Nothing they have to say can be that important. Probably just discussing how much they are gonna mess things up again by trying to make things better.
2:15 pm. Got bored. Decided to ask around after new guy. Nobody has any idea where he is. Most people don’t even know who he is, let alone where! Some of the girls who sit over in sales said that they’d seen him earlier but not since then, mind you, they’d said, they don’t have great view from where they sit. They also seemed surprised that I didn’t know. Apparently, he works in my department. This is news to me. Screw it, may as well just finish up what I need to do before the weekend.
3:25 pm. I’ve just been summoned for a meeting with ferret man and Supremo. I’m gonna email you guys this whole rambling diary of my day alone in the office! I know some of you are coming to work tomorrow so I thought you might enjoy the read. I have to go now; they’re waiting for me…in the records room! Maybe I’ll see the mangled body of new guy strapped to the wall. Haha! Ok, gotta go. See you on Monday!!
4:30 pm. You have mail. The system program was unable to deliver the last message sent from this address. This is a permanent error. Sorry it didn’t work out for you.
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©2009 David Rees-Thomas
David Rees-Thomas lives in Japan but originally hails from Wales. He is addicted to writing and has a deep love for the short story. He likes a diverse variety of writers such as Raymond Carver, Philip K.Dick, Michael Moorcock and Jay McInerney. He also dabbles in musical creation. You can find some of those dabblings on the Phenotypo web page here- www.soundclick.com/phenotypo and other writings on sites such as Microhorror and Alienskin.
