Posts Tagged ‘Henry Peter Gribbin’

FAMILY SWAP: By Henry Peter Gribbin

Thursday, February 16th, 2012

Every family has at least one or two members that if given the chance would be booted out.  But there is no escaping family, unless you want to move away in the middle of the night and not leave a forwarding address.  However, my old Pop came up with an idea to get rid of a useless family member.  He traded him.  But let me go back a little and explain.

About a month ago my Pop was having lunch with the patriarchs of two other nearby families.  One family was composed of vampires headed by a fellow by the name of Vincent.  The other family were werewolves who were led by a nice old fellow by the name of Carl.  At least once a month these three men had lunch together, just to keep tabs on what the other families were doing.  That way none of the families (humans, vampires and werewolves) would step on each other toes and accidentally start a feud that could turn deadly.

Anyway, when business was concluded the three sat back and relaxed.  My Pop started complaining about his grandson.  Pop thought he was lazy and shiftless and wanted him out of the family.  Vincent said he had an uncle, the biggest grouch in the world, according to Vincent, who he would like booted out of his family.  Carl said he had a nephew, a dumb, lazy thing that he could do without.  Pop thought for a moment.  Nobody could be worse than his grandson, or so he thought.  He came up with an idea.  What if he traded his grandson to Vincent’s family, Vincent trade his uncle to the werewolves, and Carl traded his nephew to our family.  They all thought on it and a deal was brokered.  Our family wound up with Carl’s nephew.  His name was Harold.

Anyway, Harold became one of our family.  He was a likable enough fellow, but dumb as a doorknob.  When he ate with us he sniffed his food, and since he was part canine, once in awhile he would let out with a yelp.  He also liked to chase cats.  But he was more likable than my nephew, who was snotty, moody and had body odor.

Pop did not seem to care for Harold, but we had a job in the works and Harold played a part in it.  Anyway, we put the plan into action, and Harold’s part in the heist was to act as lookout and driver.  Pop, a couple of my brothers and I were on the second floor of a warehouse conducting our business when I looked out the window and saw a cat running like crazy up the alleyway with Harold right on its heels.  I told Pop and he got mad as hell.  We had to call of the job halfway through and leave.  We made it to the van with no problem and then went looking for Harold.  We found him barking like a dog with the cat he had been chasing trapped in a tree.  Pop grabbed Harold and pushed him in the back of the van.

Pop called a special meeting of the patriarchs the next day.  He wanted his grandson back.  As it turned out the family swap was not a big success.  Carl’s family wanted to eat Vincent’s uncle, and Vincent was not very happy with our family member.  The swap was made and Pop got our moody, sassy family member back.  At least he did not bark like a dog and sniff his food.

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©2012 Henry Peter Gribbin

BLIND EYE: By Henry Peter Gribbin

Monday, January 16th, 2012

I am always amazed at how people never notice what is right in front of them.  I guess they are too concerned about the stock market or their jobs to notice that vampires, werewolvesand wizards walk among them.  I was born and raised in the country, and my old pop made sure that my brothers and I knew who or what kind of being was in our general vicinity.  He taught us that not all those shooting stars we saw in the night sky were shooting stars, that some of them were visitors from other worlds.  He was considered an eccentric by some of the town folk, but other people were of the opinion that he knew what he was talking about.  My old pop also made sure that all his kids knew their way around the city.  He had relatives that  lived in a nearby metropolis, and every summer my brothers and I would spend some time with them. So while we all could read a compass and a map, we all could read a transit bus schedule and not get lost.  I have to tell you that that those summers in the city were an eye opener.  I never saw some many different kinds of creatures in my life.  Vampires, werewolves, witches, wizards and aliens walking the streets with impervious humans.  It was really amazing.

Now, I do have to tell you that sometimes things can get a little testy between all these groups.  Humans at one time had a tendency to burn witches at the stake, and at one time they also hunted vampires and werewolves, back in the days when humans were more aware of their surroundings.  In recent history vampires and werewolves have at times gone to war.  Groups of vampires, called families, often had turf disputes with groups of werewolves, called packs.
The biggest vampire- werewolf war started in 1939 and ended in 1945.  Pop told me and my brothers all about it.  You see, two of the most powerful vampires in history, a celebrated First Lady and one who called Number10 Downing Street home, took on the most powerful werewolf in history, one who called Berlin home. It is interesting to note that World War ll did not start because Germany invaded Poland but because a German werewolf eloped with a British vampire.  I wonder what all those veterans who fought in that war would say if that fact ever came out.  Pop was a teenager back then, but his pop told him about all these events. Grandpa always said to be careful about who you vote for, especially if one of the candidates is a werewolf or a vampire.  Power is a narcotic for these two groups.

Now, the point of this story is that my pop’s cousin was running for re-election.  He was a congressman in our district, and although he was a crook he did do some good for our part of the state.  He brought in some jobs and took care of the elderly.  His opponent was a young fellow new the area.  One look at him on one of his television ads said it all, vampire.  The one thing about vampires is that they can compel a human to do their bidding.  In other words, the  longer he campaigned the more people he could compel to vote for him.  Pop and my brothers and I got together to make a plan. We wanted pop’s cousin to win.  This old congressman did the family a lot of favors, and a congressman carries more clout than the local Chief of Police. My brothers and I were for getting rid of the vampire and dumping the body. Pop was against this idea.  He thought for a moment and came up with a great idea.  My brothers and I went for it, and the next day we put the plan into action. Actually, it was  a very simple  plan.  All we did was get to a scheduled campaign site early to get front row seats.  We dressed in capes and plastic fangs and had our hair slicked back.  Whenever the vampire candidate appeared he always saw us there in the front row, just sitting there and not saying a word.  This seemed to unnerve him, and the gimmick spread.  Other people started wearing costumes to his events, and his campaign soon became a joke.  He dropped out of the race, and pop’s cousin won easily.  My family did make a powerful enemy in that vampire and his family, but that is another story.

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©2012 Henry Peter Gribbin