Good evening. Welcome to Slayer and Protector Inc. I’m an automated service that can understand certain words and phrases. Please listen carefully and when I ask you a question you can speak your answer.
Hello, hello? We’re under attack. Something’s trying to get in the back door.
Let me clarify that. What is your enquiry related to, imminent attack or projected attack?
- They’re coming through now. Molly, don’t try to stop them, get away from there!
Okay, let me make sure I understand. You think there may be an attack soon. Are you expecting demons, undead or some other kind of attack?
- Molly!
I’m sorry, I don’t think I got that. Did you say demons?
I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you say anything.
I’m sorry, we may have a bad connection.
Listen you stupid system. It’s not imminent. It’s right now. They got
Molly. I’m hiding upstairs. Send someone now. That’s your job.
Okay, we might need to start over. Sometimes it’s best just to say yes, or no. And do try to speak clearly. Is your enquiry-
Send. Help. Now.
Did you mean advisory help or defensive help?
Molly? Is that you?
I understand. You have a problem with zombies. All our deanimators are busy right now. Your expected wait time on this call is … thirty-five minutes.
Molly, stop!
Please hold the line.
______________
©2009 Sean Monaghan
Sean Monaghan often spends as much as an hour a day on hold. Sean has recent stories in The Daily Tourniquet and PowderBurnFlash, with more forthcoming in Static Movement and AntipodeanSF. More information about his writing and links to stories at his website www.venusvulture.com.
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August 11th, 2009 at 12:23 am
Short, scary and funny!
August 11th, 2009 at 5:28 am
This is a great little flash - had me laughing out loud. Nice one Sean
August 11th, 2009 at 8:22 am
*sighs* Reminds me of our recent dealings with the cable company. Great job, Sean. Funny story.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:44 am
Very funny, but still had my heart pumping a bit.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:23 am
The constant “advances” in technology is honestly the most terrifying subject in my opinion. Your story was equally humorus and horrifying. Great job!
III
August 12th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Nice story!
August 12th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
Thanks everyone - appreciate your feedback (this is not an automated response - I really typed this).
August 12th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Fabulous bro I like it!
September 25th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
[...] published my story “Submissions”. This is another epistolary story along the lines of “Automated Service” in Flashes in the Dark and “Small Classified Ad” in [...]