I don’t know why we have to have the same argument over and over. I said I was sorry. Why can’t we just move on?
And let me just add that it took both of us to get to this point.
And again, I know what you’re going to say, that I had become cold and distant, that you still loved me, but you needed passion in your life, that you tried to tell me this, but I wouldn’t listen.
But the thing is, I did listen, and I did respond. I just didn’t respond how you wanted. I told you it was a rough time for me, that things would get better, to just be patient. And I know that I was screaming when I said this, but that’s just because I needed passion in my life too.
You became distant at that point, and I’ll say it for the thousandth time, my reaction, or more accurately, my non-reaction, wasn’t because I didn’t care. On the freaking contrary, I didn’t react because I do love you and I understood what you were going through. I was just trying to give you space, not push you away, because I understand what it’s like to need space and to get pressured instead.
Now, hold on, don’t speak just yet. I know it sounds like I’m putting it all on you, but I’m not. I just wish you would see my side of the story, because I know that once we develop perspective, things look a lot different.
Go ahead and wipe that smirk off your face. I know you’re mocking me in your head, and it’s because I had the ultimate opportunity to develop perspective, that I got to see the happy and the stuck and which category I fell into.
But here’s the kicker, baby. You’re right beside me in this one, so mocking me is mocking yourself.
Hah! Smirk’s gone and scowl has arrived.
No! No! No! Wait! I’m sorry. I’m becoming petty, and that’s not what I want to do right now. As I said, I just want you to see my side. I want you to understand how much it hurt to see you with that other man.
I know we were separated at the time. I know I was with another woman. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t love you. I was just playing games. I know that was stupid now. But you were playing games too. When I confronted you, you tried to pretend that you didn’t love me anymore. You tried to pretend that you wouldn’t come back to me.
No. Don’t interrupt. I know what you’ve said. I remember what you’ve told me since, that you really didn’t love me, that you really wouldn’t have come back, but I know you. You’re stubborn. You’d never admit that you were lying.
But, you see, the proof is in the pudding. You’re by my side now.
And I know that I restrained you. I know I tied you to the bedpost. I know I shouldn’t have done that, but you have to understand how desperate I felt. I wanted you to stay, because I love you so much. And it seemed like you weren’t even listening. The way you were shouting and trying to pull from my grip, it was like you were really going to leave.
Damn it! And there you go again, trying to move away from me now. Go ahead. It’s not like I can tie you up again.
No. Wait. I’m sorry. I wouldn’t tie you up even if I could. I don’t even think I need to. I think that’s why we’re together now. It’s because we’re soul mates. The universe has glued us together.
And I know what you’re going to say to that. I know we’ve met others like us roaming around, and I know they all had one thing in common, that it was the passion that made them stay. And I know passion isn’t the word you choose. I know you like to call it violence.
Call it what you want, but we have to stop playing games. We have to accept that we love each other and were meant to be together. We have to accept that we were both at fault for me shooting you and then shooting myself.
Damn it! Come back here.
__________________
©2010 Joshua Scribner
Joshua Scribner is the author of the novels Mantis Nights, The Coma Lights and Nescata. His fiction won both second and fifth place in the 2008 Whispering Spirits Flash Fiction contest. Up to date information on his work can be found at joshuascribner.com. Joshua currently lives in Michigan with his wife and two daughters.
Also, you can read Joshua’s interview with Flashes in the Dark here:
http://flashesinthedark.com/2010/01/24/sunday-special-joshua-scribner/
Tags: Joshua Scribner
February 7th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Such a killer last line!!!!
I also love that part about “I responded, just not the way you wanted me to.” That is often true, not just in relationships but with people in general